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24 July 2012 @ 10:47 pm
All I see is dirt  


I haven't made a post in a long time. Boy does that phrase get old. Anyways, this time, it's not that I don't have the time to. It's just that I'm too lazy to do it. For the past week since I've been back, I've been doing everything else. Unpacking, cleaning, and eating. Aside from that, I've started a routine of one digital drawing a day. (I'm guessing that routine'll last about...8 days.) And then I've been listening to drama cds again and watching TV and reading manga. Not so busy, right? It also seems like everyone's gone on vacation. Or they're just not here. -.-'

I've also decided to fill in my posts of Taiwan and Japan according to the dates they happened. Or the dates I think they happened. So instead of me just adding them on as entries in July or August. I'm gonna set the dates to the original ones, despite having written them only now.

So why post today? Nothing's happened today. Maybe that's why I'm posting. Because I'm behind and I have nothing to do. A lot's been going on in my head lately. So I'll share some thoughts on being back in the States. First of all, I wasn't looking forward to it much. Yes, while in Taiwan, I did get homesick. But it was mostly just for my "home". If I could move my house and Diamond Bar to Taiwan, then I would do it in a second. There's nothing appealing about LA or the States to me. It's like this. Even if I step outside of Taipei and Taichung, I would still feel some sense of "home". Something warm and comforting about the environment of Taiwan. (I can't believe I'm feeling sort of sad while writing this.) Here, if I step outside of east LA, that feeling is gone. This must be destiny.

Anyways, my first thought as we landed and I looked out the window was, "I haven't seen so much brown in such a long time." That being dried-up dirt and sand. Welcome to SoCal. The most defining feature of our area. And suddenly, it didn't feel like I've been gone half a year. It felt like I'd just left home to get milk and came back. Time sure flies. Now, as a kid, I always cried for days and nights when I came back to the States after being in Taiwan. I'd always thought it was because I missed my grandma so much. She did raise me. And I was feeling empty without her. But now, I'm getting the same gut-wrenching feeling again, and I'm thinking, maybe I'm feeling empty without Taiwan. And also a small part of my grandmother. But mostly Taiwan. Why is it that I feel such a strong attachment towards a country I was not raised in? Or am I just too contemplative? 

Now that I'm back, I don't feel like I've come home. It feels like I came for vacation and I'll be leaving soon. So I've resolved to try to go back to Taiwan ASAP. Be it grad school, or getting a job there, that's my goal in life right now.

Let's do this.

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swimmer_chen on September 15th, 2012 01:27 am (UTC)
omg reading this again, i had 2 thoughts. I was the same when i came back. I don't feel like America is my home anymore, it seems like i'm here for vacation/study and my home is actually taiwan. nothing appeals to me about here either, and i've lost appetite every single meal since i've been back. i'm starting my second week back and i feel really sad. all my happiness seems fake (it kinda is).

and i wanna get a job there too. my parents, especially my mom, are kinda sick of taiwan and they don't wanna be back when me and my sibs can. the only thing im wishing now is honestly to see the kids' faces again and most of all, to see this current class of 大班students graduate, in person.

since i'll be going comm college, i guess i'll just pull up my grades and rethink what i wanna do.....
DMFUdmfu on September 15th, 2012 04:43 am (UTC)
My dad's super against me getting a job there... Hopefully I will though. But it's depressing when I face reality and think just how many years it'll take to do that...
swimmer_chen on September 16th, 2012 03:47 am (UTC)
keep applying for jobs there and save! then, when you get an offer, think realistically whether you think you will stay long at the job, and whether you can live on that even if you forget to buy the cheapest item off the menu sometimes. then, if you think its a realistic job for you, move there and just continue saving (cause everything there is so cheap and delicious). i think you're like me, limited by your dad a lot.
i know its different for you cause you have to spend housing costs, but isn't there one that's cheap too? or, ask around to see if someone needs a roommate? idk, even though the japan trip didnt work out, i was planning housing stuff...