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24 July 2012 @ 10:47 pm
All I see is dirt  


I haven't made a post in a long time. Boy does that phrase get old. Anyways, this time, it's not that I don't have the time to. It's just that I'm too lazy to do it. For the past week since I've been back, I've been doing everything else. Unpacking, cleaning, and eating. Aside from that, I've started a routine of one digital drawing a day. (I'm guessing that routine'll last about...8 days.) And then I've been listening to drama cds again and watching TV and reading manga. Not so busy, right? It also seems like everyone's gone on vacation. Or they're just not here. -.-'

I've also decided to fill in my posts of Taiwan and Japan according to the dates they happened. Or the dates I think they happened. So instead of me just adding them on as entries in July or August. I'm gonna set the dates to the original ones, despite having written them only now.

So why post today? Nothing's happened today. Maybe that's why I'm posting. Because I'm behind and I have nothing to do. A lot's been going on in my head lately. So I'll share some thoughts on being back in the States. First of all, I wasn't looking forward to it much. Yes, while in Taiwan, I did get homesick. But it was mostly just for my "home". If I could move my house and Diamond Bar to Taiwan, then I would do it in a second. There's nothing appealing about LA or the States to me. It's like this. Even if I step outside of Taipei and Taichung, I would still feel some sense of "home". Something warm and comforting about the environment of Taiwan. (I can't believe I'm feeling sort of sad while writing this.) Here, if I step outside of east LA, that feeling is gone. This must be destiny.

Anyways, my first thought as we landed and I looked out the window was, "I haven't seen so much brown in such a long time." That being dried-up dirt and sand. Welcome to SoCal. The most defining feature of our area. And suddenly, it didn't feel like I've been gone half a year. It felt like I'd just left home to get milk and came back. Time sure flies. Now, as a kid, I always cried for days and nights when I came back to the States after being in Taiwan. I'd always thought it was because I missed my grandma so much. She did raise me. And I was feeling empty without her. But now, I'm getting the same gut-wrenching feeling again, and I'm thinking, maybe I'm feeling empty without Taiwan. And also a small part of my grandmother. But mostly Taiwan. Why is it that I feel such a strong attachment towards a country I was not raised in? Or am I just too contemplative? 

Now that I'm back, I don't feel like I've come home. It feels like I came for vacation and I'll be leaving soon. So I've resolved to try to go back to Taiwan ASAP. Be it grad school, or getting a job there, that's my goal in life right now.

Let's do this.

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swimmer_chen on July 26th, 2012 05:09 am (UTC)
i wonder if you post as original date, would it still come up on my recent news feed..... link me whenever you post!!!

omg i can SO relate!!!!!!! idk what it is either, but i'm also deciding to work in taiwan asap!!! (or japan) i was about to cry out loud when today my mom was like "both your sister and i dont wanna go tokyo so we're thinking of going kyoto again"
DMFUdmfu on July 26th, 2012 07:28 am (UTC)
Hm.. not sure. If I do post, I'll tell you. :)

Lol you were just telling me this.